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Guest Post: Four Things You Need to Do Before Having Kids

03 October 2012


Hello! I’m Melissa from I Pick Pretty, lover of shoes, maker of mischief, and stay-at-home mother to one mostly delightful two-year-old boy wonder.

Which of course makes me totally qualified to tell you a few things you should consider tackling before having kids. If you’re having them, I should add, since I refuse to be one of those Smug Married sorts who thinks that everyone wants or needs to reproduce. If your baby is your dog or Pottery Barn, God speed – just don’t tell the parents of (human) babies how your goldendoodle is just like having one of theirs.

Besides, who doesn’t like random lists of things to do?




STEP ONE: MAKE A REGRETTABLE CHOICE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

Yes, really. All the better if you’re still in your singleton days and can manage a catastrophic love interest or two.

Because no matter how full of unicorns and moonbeams having a child is, there are moments of initial terror where you secretly wonder, “Crap, why did this sound like a good idea again?” You need a past life experience – say, picking a soul-crushing profession – to which you can favorably compare your New Normal.

As you’ve doubtlessly heard before, there is no perfect time to have kids, but why not be able to look back and say you’ve had a misadventure or three before you do?

STEP TWO: TRAVEL

Getting gone gets much more difficult when you have to coordinate babysitters and bottles and bouncy chairs, oh my.  Having sat next to the screechy baby on planes, I half knew this to be true, but I didn’t really get it until faced with trying to leave town and eyeing the mountain – MOUNTAIN - of Baby Stuff that involves.

All of which seems like nothing compared to the finding-a-sitter problem since, contrary to my pre-child belief, there are NOT people lining up around the street to watch your child, not even the ones related to you.

If you have any global adventuring to do, be it five minutes or five thousand miles away, try to get some of that done.

Here we Smug Marrieds are pre-child, cruising the Baltic while - so thematically appropriate! - three sheets to the wind.

Become a tourist in your own town and check out every trendy restaurant or bar your budget and heart (hopefully on the same page?) desire. Stay up late, just because you can.

STEP THREE: ENJOY THE SWEET, SWEET FREEDOM OF USING THE RESTROOM ENTIRELY ALONE

Dude. DUDE. I can’t emphasize this one enough. Trust. 

STEP FOUR: REALIZE THAT NONE OF THIS WILL BE AS AWESOME AS MOST OF THE KID EXPERIENCE IS (FOR THOSE OF US WHO WANT THEM, THAT IS, OMG HAVE I PADDED THIS WITH ENOUGH P.C. DISCLAIMERS ALREADY?!)

You knew I was destined for this cheeseball conclusion, right? It's corny because it's true. 

Master P, the boy wonder, having his first truly happy day. We think.

I'm not one of those lying liars who'll tell you that each and every dirty diaper is blissful - some things just suck full stop - but the good parts? Are like no other.

***

Voila! You feel ready to bust an ovary popping a kid out, right? Any other questions, or advice from other Smug Mummies out there?

(With thanks to Miss Lilly for letting me play in her boho glam sandbox for the day. xo)

13 comments:

  1. Yes, travel! Also... sleep in and nap without feeling guilty! And go on spontaneous dates!

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  2. Yeah, sleep and travel would be on the top of my list. Although you won't TRULY appreciate sleep until you've gone for seven years without it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, for the love of everything I wish someone would have told us to get out of the house! We were such homebodies! We waited 5 years for kids and life is just so much better (albeit far more complicated) with them!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The bathroom! YES! Totally! Who knew... Though I have a dog baby who is 10 in a few days and he is almost just like my kid so I disagree there - but I'm sure I've offended many a parent with their similarities ;-)

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  5. Stay out late and sleep all day! 7:30 will never be "early" again once you are a Mommy.

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