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So Good to be Home

11 December 2012

Here I stand: alive and bloggin'. It was so awesome to land in Dallas on Friday night and spend the weekend with some incredible friends and my family.

My trip was such an incredible experience. I am fortunate to work for an organization that is needed in the world, and I was very grateful to see that work first hand in its largest form and contribute to the mission in my small way. While I was only gone for two weeks, I am not an away from home and family type of person. I love working and I really appreciate my job. I'll never be in those "Top Paying and Most Awesome Jobs in America" infographic, but you really can't beat what I take home from the office each day.

I feel proud of myself when I leave work and I thrive off the sense of accomplishment that comes with a completed or successful project. With that said, coming home to my family each day is what really helps me focus on work at work. My time with Markus and Little Child is the most sacred part of my day, so while two weeks really doesn't seem like that long, perception is reality and while I was excited, I was also sad and a little terrified. What if at the end of the day, my own two feet weren't strong enough to hold me up for that long?

After being completely in charge of my own fate for 13 days, I realized that my support system doesn't make my life happen, but they make it so much better. I'll always cherish the nights I spent walking New York by myself and the accomplishment I felt after navigating a subway route completely solo, but when I saw someone funny on the street this trip, I thought about how much Markus and I loved people watching on his birthday trip to Chicago last year. When I ran on the subway right before the doors closed, I went back to all the leughs and adventures Markus and I have shared on the Paris metro. There are always the times when it comes down to just you, and I believe in myself now in ways more than I have in years, but I realized the thing I love most about my life is who I share it with. My husband and puppy, my sister and my mom are so special to me. I love blogging and while my mini break was unplanned and for the best, the excitement to get back in touch with the wonderful friends I've made through le blog was an added bonus of returning home!

On one of my most homesick nights, I told Markus I felt like quitting and he offered to come fly to New York and stay with me while I worked the last three days of my trip. It was such an incredible offer and exactly what I wanted, but I had to turn him down because I knew what I needed was to finish what I started by myself and walk out of the airport at the end knowing that while my support system made me stronger, I was the only one who made it possible. If I hadn't been so damn tired at the end, I would have felt pretty proud of myself. I'm so fortunate I was able to earn a new "strongest moment" for those times when you have to pull back to one and find your muchness. I think my previous ones were getting a little stale. 

While I never gave up on myself, one thing I did give up on was Christmas. I had done some expectations management with Markus where trees, lights and other labor intensive festivities were concerned, but this was one arena where he was able to be my knight in shining armor. I was so surprised and elated to see our house decorated for Christmas when I pulled up from the airport!


The elation continued (for me at least) when I got to my room and found my mail from when I was gone. Nothing outs your online shopping addiction quite like two weeks without beating your husband home to the front steps to bring in the parcels for the day...


Thank you for all of the kind comments and emails while I was out of office. I hope you've had a great start to the holiday season and I can't wait to get caught up with blogging fun this week!

3 comments:

  1. Lilly... what a fabulous, honest post. Thought of you many times while you were away and said a few prayers to St. Ursula to watch over you. Glad she did a good job and you are safe and seemed to gain fabulous insight and maturity. Not that you needed it. You were pretty great to start off with. Hope you have a wonderful holiday. Would love to meet you along with my girls. We will be away for a couple of weeks. All the best...

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  2. So glad you are back. Miss the fun and touching moments!

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  3. aw I love this post. so proud of you for everything you did in NYC and for being so independent up there. 2 weeks is a really long time and that city is hard to navigate alone! Love you and your sweet husband and pup!

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