If I had to pick one thing that makes my life so happy right now, it would be how bright the future looks.
The present days are packed with adventure and love. The horizon is beckoning and over the hill I see amazing things happening for our family. Little feet and laughs and bellies. There's no timeline on when we'll get there, but knowing that I have a wonderful partner to raise children with and we're making smart desicions to make that chapter in our lives a happy one makes me so happy. I cherish each day, most especially weekend mornings in bed, knowing how special this time is and that it won't be like this forever. In the same way, I think of my babies all the time: when I'm out and see a young family like the one I hope to be or in the middle of the night when I am awake and wonder what their eye color will be, what books they'll love and what songs they'll want me to sing to them. It's just the perfect place between not feeling ready and feeling impatient. Every moment is good and I feel the next ones getting sweeter.
This weekend as I thought of my babies to come countless times in a day as I love to do, each time I hurt thinking of the parents in Conneticut who lived this chapter of joy and anticipation. Who waited for their baby to get to them, who were overwhelmed with the experience of learning how much better it is in real life than one could ever imagine, and who, with no warning, without anything they could do or without the chance to say goodbye, sent their baby to live in Heaven on Friday. How long did each Mommy wait to hold her precious baby in her arms? What did they dream for their babies as they waited for them to get here and watched them begin to grow up? Twenty perfect fulfillments of thousands of prayers gone so quickly. I've never known it was this possible to ache so badly for people I've never met.
When I started my blog, it was because I felt like I had something to say. I haven't posted because this is so surely not one of those times for me, and anything else seems so trivial. The biggest blessing I've had from blogging has been the chance to meet great women mentors. I wasn't expecting anyone to say anything of comfort or understanding, but I did find lift and hope from reading two of my friends' posts.
The Preppy Empty Nester is a happy person to me. Her daughters went to my same high school and we found each other through blogging. I very often speak of her to my family, and they know her as my "Internet aunt." Admist the confusion of the first day of our country hurting for these children, many people were understandably angry and Katie channeled her greif into faith and gratitude. I love that she wrote the post with her daughter. What a wonderful example of how to be a strong parent through crisis.
I met Stephanie at a conference this year when we both admired each other's fair trade accessories. She is a great mentor for how to be a Christian mom who truly lets scripture and a strong moral compass lead her faith over dogma and the moral majority. While it's been so hard to watch my mom friends go through the anxiety and anguish of seeing something like this happen to so many people's babies, Stephanie's post about where she was on a faith level after everything was my special Sunday sermon. I read it a few times and am happy to share it today knowing that she's always an email away from me thanks to our blog lives.
I am blessed beyond measure. I have a future to look forward to, a God that will see me through the times when things appear to be taken away from me and I am lost in confusion, a family who loves me and wise women in my life who bring my guidance and community in a way I never expected to have. I hope you feel your blessings this season as we keep our families close and celebrate a Christmas season we're sure to never forget for reasons we could never prepare for.