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How to Leave a Party Early

06 May 2013

I am kind of a recovering party girl enigma. I don't really enjoy bars or clubs, but I have a really hard time staying awake and energetic at house parties. Especially ones where you know the sweet hostess but not as many of her other friends.

My girl Ruthie throws the best house parties, and I'm now infamous for being the early drop by girl. Determined to make it late[r] into the evening this time, I fueled up on some fried rice at one of my favorite restaurants, Asian Mint. While we enjoyed dinner and espresso, Markus filled me in on how you leave a party early without looking like you bailed.

  1. Arrive promptly so you have one on one time with the host as guests arrive (no hard feat for me, since I am chronically early).
  2. Take a picture with the host or hostess to commemorate your appearance at their party.
  3. If possible, do something memorable that people will be talking about after the event to stamp yourself a part of the experience.
Little did he know just how well I would heed his advice and knock my Cuatro de Mayo Fiesta driveby out of the park.

Start time was at 8:30 p.m., and here I am at 8:27 with the gorgeous birthday senorita:

You would think pictures next to pretty girls like this would talk me into wearing eye makeup, but I haven't for the life of me figured it out.

For good measure I also took a crowd pleaser photo with Markus, the Lefty to my Pancho:

Early arrival and photo ops secured, I waited for something memorable to happen.

I might be known for my spontaneous dance outbursts at my office where the hostess and I work together. Since Ruthie loves my dancing, she requested a birthday dance and I kindly oblidged. Her dog, however, did not approve of my flailing masterpiece coreography and when I bumped into her went into attack mode and bit my leg.

Thankfully dear husband, who is even more social media obsessed than I, was rolling Vine (a social media app that takes 6 second videos) the whole time and got some great footage of my dance and counter attack. Notice that there is no dropping of the iphone and coming to my rescue...

Click the white text below to see it all go down for yourself:

Adding drama to the drama is the fact that I have a rather aggressive phobia of blood, needles and basically the human body in general. Trying not to panic in front of a large group of people I did not know, I nervously laughed while fighting back tears and asking informed questions like, "I don't want to look at it, but can you see my guts coming out?"

Thankfully one of the party guests is an emergency room doctor who said I would be completely fine and did not require stitches. After a complete inspection he did recommend a spray tan and leg wax. Note to the party people: shave close, for you never know who may be holding and inspecting your calf.

Accomplishing all of my goals, I headed home early and cried the fear of God out of me and tears of thanks that my guts indeed had not spilled out of my leg as I had imagined. Needless to say, thanks to Ruthie's sweet yet startled pup and Markus' video skills, my attendance at Cuatro de Mayo 2013 will not soon be forgotten.

Recovering with a Gonzo the Great bandaid, I ventured out the next day to our Sunday spot at Kyle Warren Park with Little Child, feeling pretty badass to have survived such a ruthless attack the night before while not forgetting to the hair of the dog that bit me.

Do you like to party all night or pop in and out?

What are your tactics for bouncing from the club a little early?

Have you ever survived a dog attack?


  1. Miss Lilly... this is your funniest post yet!!! Love the video but sorry that little doggie took a chunk our of your neatly shaved leg! I love to get to a party a few minutes early as well then hit the road early enough to catch SNL at home.

  2. I tend to leave early, too, but I make a big entrance and talk a lot, so everyone winds up thinking I was there the whole night. Once I get home, I'm exhausted from social overload, though. :)

  3. Oh my gosh I laughed and laughed at your video, then I felt bad for laughing because it was scary for you. I'm glad you were ok! I'm terrible about wanting to leave early, or even falling asleep at a friend's house...I get tired yo!

  4. DYING over the vid. I've got the same sweet dance moves myself... ;)

  5. This post had me laughing so hard, I cried!!! Sooooooooo hi-larious!! I especially died over the video. Girl, you so crazy! :). My sister Georgia (in book club) reads P&BJ too, and I told her last night that if she hasn't already, she better hurry her butt over here to read all about your dancing/dog moment! LOL-ing!!


    PS: totally missed your face at book club but so, SO excited for "Gatsby"! Gonna drench myself in pearls for the event! ;)

  6. HILARIOUS -- I laughed out loud at the spray tan and leg wax comment.

    You are something special, kid!

  7. Haaahaaa! Lilly, this was hilarious! That video kills me!
    I'm going to remember your leaving the party early tips. I am always the first to arrive and usually the first to leave, except for that one year when my friend and I were sans husbands and closed the party down - ha! Great post! :)

  8. This is hilarious. I'm sorry. I shouldn't find it funny but since you are ok, I feel that it is fair for me to giggle.
    My much larger dog has attacked me once (*Barely) and my husband as well. botht imes whenwe were dancing or kind of wrestling like weirdos. She gets worried and then dives in and nips at I joke that if anyone ever breaks in and attacks me, Charlie will bite me in order to try and defend me. Big help. Seriously, though, glad you are ok and I love your theory on leaving early!

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