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Off Schedule

07 October 2015

"So, Heidi today pointed at her belly a lot and said 'Mommy baby'...we just thought we'd ask if anything new was developing at home! You know, you're the only mom in Heidi's class that isn't waddling in here for pick up."

It wasn't unusual to talk about new words or phrases from Heidi with her teachers, or what she really loved in her lunchbox or a certain book she took to in circle time. This update caught me a little off guard. Had I missed a homework assignment for class? 

They are on to something. Not only is their anecdote of the other moms in Heidi's class true, most people I am friends with that have a baby Heidi's age are expecting or planning on it. I think lately the talk from other people online regarding the effect of these types of questions can have on people is great. What if I was trying to get pregnant? Not to mention the fact that it must have slipped the teacher's mind that Heidi is adopted. I tend to see questions for face value - random conversation makers and people being curious. It's just enough of a question to make me second guess myself. And some days I'm a little too worn out from being a mom to give myself the pep talk that it's fine to be a mom on my own schedule.

When Markus and I got married, we knew we wanted to wait up to five years to add a baby to the family. We were young and had spent a lot of time living apart from each other. It was a decision I am constantly thankful for as we raise Heidi. What happened along the way, though, was other people had babies. The nerve! It made me feel, even with our own needs and plans, like we were behind. Like there was only a certain amount of perfect babies that would ever be born to this planet and we were going to miss one. Occasionally, I got a little too focused on it and missed the goodness of the season we were in. It could feel like everyone else was on schedule and we were off schedule. 

Thankfully, we waited and things turned out awesome. And again, it appears some days that we are off schedule. Now, as certain as I am writing this, I know life is full of surprises. But for now, we're good with the steady good and not focused on anything new, even for a few more years. 

Are we being crazy and getting so wrapped up in Heidi that we're going to have to "start back at square one" or "have to be parents forever?" So far, those haven't been so bad. Do we ever stop being parents anyways? Infant and toddler years are a different planet, but I'm not sure I want to "get it all over with," like I'm sometimes told. Maybe I did it once and when I do it again I'll be a little older and wiser and sure of myself during those wild nights. Note to self: I could also strike it big and have a loving wet nurse! :o)

All this reminded me of my sentiments on when to get married, your life is yours and it should grow as you do, not because you need a baby before an age or another one when your first is however old. If they are close together, I can assure you from my relationship with my 18 months in age apart sister, it is an amazing experience. And if you wait, I can say through my life now, I love nothing more than having all of my focus be on one sweet little soul for the time being, and knowing as she grows how excited and helpful she can be for another addition to our family - one day. 

When I feel off schedule, I have to ask myself who I am looking at - myself or the people around me? For me, life seems to keep happening right on time. 


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